I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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