he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
honey bunches of taint.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
