he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
false alarm. still invincible.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
