First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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