Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
