i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
