Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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