College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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