oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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