bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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