I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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