All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Michael Bay diarrhea
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
we should paint friendship bongs
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
