God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
