if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
