She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
