I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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