I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
