dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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