so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
