Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
