Having a random hookup so left but love u
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
