She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
