Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
