last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
