Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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