hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
