Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
