I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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