Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
