I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
