The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
