I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
