I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
be right there i have to get my cape
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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