I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
