I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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