is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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