I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
