This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
