and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
