Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
pray to the hookup gods
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
