guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
