my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
and she was petting her beer can
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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