I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
