I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
