You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
