So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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