The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
