Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
