The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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