we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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